It goes without saying 2020 has been a challenging time for many globally, even just to get toilet paper. As the year is coming towards an end, it went down like a cancerous spread of bad sectors over a failing hard disk.
At a time like this I feel fortunate to retain my job which happens to be in the energy industry, and that all it really meant was working from home and saving a heap of time on commuting. However, to much extent was one of the few things that kept me going through the year. Whilst not everyone was directly effected by the COVID-19 virus itself, many including myself have taken a hit from a mental health perspective with other issues bubbling away. So for me with the exception of remembering to wear a mask, it was often the last thing on the mind and instead was a time of self discovery.
To cut a long story short, back in January I commenced going to counselling just weeks before Australia recognised the pandemic had spread across to its shores. My wife whose from Japan was increasingly unhappy and agitated about how I was as a husband and a father for our two young sons. Overall counselling continued for several months and ultimately for me to see a doctor. From that, referrals were made to see an endocrinologist and psychologist. Hundreds of questions were provided by the psychologist answered by myself, my mother, and wife, that ultimately led to a formal diagnosis of having autism spectrum disorder (ASD), and a case of “Severity 1” of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). It came as a surprise, though understanding these disorders started to make sense looking back to the past from work situations down to childhood. Whilst this was occurring hormone replacement therapy had commenced with the endocrinologist as it was established I was transgender.
Within weeks of discovery of this diagnosis, marriage separation and work stress came to the spotlight. I recall bad dreams such as the typical scenario of being the lonely kid bullied in a schoolyard – except the kids were adults wearing corporate attire pointing and shouting at me all at once. Another time I’d be crying trying to give my sons a bath one evening, feeling so down I contemplated jumping in my car thinking which road to take in order to crash into a big gum tree or brick wall. My arms were shaking, and taking deep breaths it took me an hour to finally calm down. Now I’m taking antidepressants and on the waiting list to see a psychiatrist.
From September the focus turned to finding my own home and having to spend a small fortune on household items and furniture. It wasn’t until 30th of October that I received the keys to my new townhouse. Unfortunately since then I’ve had to resort to sleeping on an air mattress, as there’s allegedly lengthy delays with shipping of furniture. There’s also that sense of losing the family home, and a return back to the rent cycle.
Whilst this isn’t an all-inclusive description of what’s occurred, it’s enough indication that returning to this blog hasn’t been on top of the priority list. Having said that it’s been a nice feeling when a comment pops up to say they’ve enjoyed an article or found the information useful. Also from time to time I receive a message for help. Whilst normally in my nature to help, it’s often not something I can spend the time or energy to solve your problems. I have figured though as the problems are not consistent, that it’s likely to be user error. Had I received several messages outlining the same problem such as receiving a consistent error message, I’d be more inclined to think a post of mine needs some refinement to solve the issue.
As the number of followers has reach the milestone of 100, I’d like to say thank you for taking an interest. Never did I expect my blog to appeal to the wider masses given it’s a niche hobby though the gradual rise of followers and comments of support provide encouragement to continue sharing towards the retro computing scene.